1) There are many Biblical passages and mandates which require a lifestyle of submission and obedience to a husband. The ones which i am most familiar with are: Titus 2:5 ("To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed"). Ephesians 5:22-24 ("Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord... For the husband is the head of the wife... Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything"). Therefore, such mandates are expected to be followed by all the true Christian believers. However, nowadays such mandates are rarely mentioned or emphasized in church, which may indicate to be issues restricted to the privacy of marriage. My grandmother and parents always referred me to those explicit Biblical passages as being the corner stones of a happy and rewarding marriage. I have read that in other religions (such as Islam), similar mandates are also recognized and followed. My question is how or where can i find out about what is really involved in being submissive and obedient? Is it something which a girl has to wait until she marries? Another question i have is about the statement "submit to their own husbands in everything" -- I assume that the husband will have to be a strong Christian believer and follower, otherwise it could also include polygamy, homosexuality, and other non-Christian aspects.
2) Based on my readings of human biology, i know that there are strong hormonal differences between men and women which are responsible for the physical and emotional differences between them. For example, in contrast to men, women have a nurturing nature, including a need to be protected and cared for. Likewise, the natural roles, instincts, and characteristics of men and women are present even before birth and during childhood. I have learned in my human anatomy classes that when a baby boy is in the womb, the mother can feel much more activity and movement than with a baby girl. Also, right after birth, boys have a stronger tendency to show more aggressive and exploratory behaviors than girls. However, i believe that such natural instincts are dormant and need to be awaken or discovered and developed under the guidance of her parents at home, and later by her husband. Hence, choosing a lifestyle of submission and obedience, brings satisfaction and total fulfillment. Although i have observed my parents and other couples at church interacting with each other, i feel that such role models are the result of much more intimate aspects which i ignore. For one thing, my parents and adult friends at church are always reluctant to talk about it in more detail. Also, when i ask related questions and i expect to get more explicit answers, they tend to be evasive or just refer me to read the Biblical passages (the same is true during the church sermons). One time, a girlfriend and i attempted to seek more information from our teachers in school, and the only response we got was framed within feminist ideas... that we all are free to choose and that a girl can do anything that a man does.
3) Women have a strong inner desire or preference to be under the protection and care of a dominant man. I have had the opportunity to observe older friends who were dating, and i noticed that despite the "harsh" or sometimes relationships which can be termed as "abusive," girls always returned to the same boyfriends. On the other hand, when the boyfriend was of a "soft" nature, girls tended to ignore them and/or seek the attention of more dominant men. I also remember being impressed watching old movies where a "cowboy" type of man spanked his girlfriend in public and private, and eventually she married him expressing her deep love, affection, commitment, and appreciation to him. I must tell you that as a teenager, i have fantasized of being in such a relationship. Over the years, i also noticed that my parents were involvement in a dominant and submissive relationship -- many times i heard at night noises coming out from their bedroom, like my father was spanking my mom, and the next day she was more lively, happy, and willing to be more attentive to my father. Likewise, a couple of times i overheard married ladies talking to each other during our church gatherings about the deserved punishments they received from their husbands, and how they were unable to even sit for several days.
4) In comparing to men, women are smaller, delicate, emotional, have a higher pitch voice, and maintain child-like characteristics into adolthood. I believe that such natural characteristics or differences are (or can be) translated to living in a happy dominant and submissive relationship. For many years i have been babysitting for our neighbors and friends, and during that time i had the opportunity to observe children growing up. While boys grew up in many ways (becoming physically strong, emotionally more assertive, and mechanically inclined), girls tended to expand, emphasize, or retain things which in many ways can be seen as child-like attributes. I remember when i was much younger, i used to get together with my girlfriends to try different dresses, experiment with make up, play with our dolls, and prepare tea gatherings in our toy kitchens. But, when we tried to invite boys of our age, they were totally opposed to join us, and many of them made rude comments and even tried to avoid being with us altogether. Today, it is not difficult to see married ladies living within the traditional values who, in many ways, still retain their child-like characteristics -- i know some who have more elaborate doll houses, depend on their husbands for practically everything, and are proud to maintain their small and feminine figures for their loving husbands.
5) I learned additional arguments in favor of a dominant and submissive lifestyle while taking a course in cultural anthropology, where studies of traditional (non-Western) societies in different places of the world show that men are in charged as decision makers, leaders, protectors, rulers, innovators, and with characteristics similar to our Patriarchal form of family organization. While females are involved in opposite but complementary activities related to taking care of children, meeting the needs of the household, developing their feminine qualities to attract a mate or maintain the family reputation (especially among the Muslim and Arab countries). In many such countries and cultures, the male and female roles and expectations are strongly maintained, even with harsh punishments for those who attempt to change or ignore the rules. A year ago i joined a Christian mission to Bolivia in South America, and i was very impressed with the Patriarchal organization among the native people, where women obey and show great respect to men, know their place, and are proud of their accomplishments as submissive wives, daughters and girlfriends. Unfortunately, wrong influences from our country (which they get through television programs) are negatively affecting those traditional values among the city people. But at least for the traditional rural people, i wonder why we need to send our missions there when they have so much to teach us. Such comparisons also made me concentrate and understand why in our society there are no female scientists, writers, inventors, mathematicians, artists of the same high level of accomplishments as those of men. Hence, as a girl i feel that there is no point in competing with men when i have an equally important (but different) role in life -- that of submission and obedience to my future husband.
6) The natural role of women is to be caring, loving, and dedicated to satisfy the needs of their husbands. Hence, she has to discover, accept, and enjoy her submissive and obedient nature under the control and guidance of her husband. When these roles are broken, men are forced to go out and find satisfaction outside the home. Millions of dollars are spent in pornography and prostitution. Very often, married men are the main customers of such business enterprises because their masculine needs are not met or satisfied at home by their wives. I have seen married ladies who after having their babies they tend to ignore or put aside their husband's needs -- i assume that women are in need for a constant discipline and encouragement (is the saying "a woman's work is never done" true?). For example, I have read somewhere that one of the most import desires of a husband is to have a wife who is always ready to make love anytime. My question is, why this is an issue? Why wives need to be reminded or trained to be available any time? The other issue i often hear is about married women who loose over time their interest in being attractive and taking care of themselves. Would these kinds of problems not exist under
a dominant and submissive lifestyle?
7) A successful marriage and family depends on recognizing the need for a God-giving authority of the husband as the Head of the Household. In this respect, i can make a comparison with large companies or business corporations, where only one leader or head is absolutely necessary and required to lead a successful organization. In the absence of such an authority, only chaos, conflict, and mismanagement can be expected. Likewise, i assume that when women compete for authority, men loose their manly attributes to lead and control, and the lack of respect can lead him to become isolated and depressed, and eventually seek a solution in divorce. I also believe that men too are to blamed, especially now when feminist influences have made men become less involved (or afraid) to established their natural rule or role over women. For example, i often find ridiculous or inappropriate to see husbands taking care of the household chores, and even cases when the wife works and the husband becomes a "housewife." Likewise, i wonder how husbands and wives can justify or accept the fact that when the wife works outside the home, she is obeying and following the mandates of another man (the boss in the company where she works).
8) All through the ages and within the traditional Patriarchal values, it has been established a system which has endured over time, that a girl first belongs to her father, then to her husband. I believe that such an enduring system of family organization is and has been one of the main cornerstones to maintain the family as the main group of our nation and society. I also believe that this system has served well to train and awake the natural instincts of hundreds of generations of women and wives withing the traditional values and believes. I remember how difficult it was for me to accept the rules established by my father when i was growing up. For example, my two older brothers had much more freedom, while i was constantly protected, had to ask permission for practically everything i wanted to do, i had and continue to follow curfews, i was not allowed to come home late or be alone in public, i was required to help my mom with all the house chores, and any indiscretions or mistakes were corrected with spankings and corner time. I always wonder why i was treated so differently from my brothers? and am i right in assuming that similar restrictions and discipline will be expected when i get married?
9) The physical, mental, and emotional well being of men and women depend on maintaining the dominant role of men, and the submissive role of women. It is clear to me that these aspects are related to the natural instincts and God-giving commands indicated in my previous reasons. However, i still need to know in more explicit and clear ways what would be expected of me as a future submissive and obedient wife. Based on my experiences while growing up, i have learned that the different and complementary roles of both men and women are important, but i do not understand yet why girls and women require or need far more instruction and control in life. A related question is, are men more important and with greater needs than women, and that is why women require constant discipline and control? I know that just before and during my menstrual periods i have a tendency of feel irritated, lack patience or energy to make decisions, have a stronger need to be protected, and i often have to postpone my activities during those times of every month -- while at the same time, men are free from those experiences or limitations. The same can be said during pregnancy, but i do not know how a wife could satisfy the needs of her husbands during the nine months. A lady at church once told me that "a man becomes more masculine only when his wife is feminine and submissive"... but still need guidance and instruction to accomplish those goals.
10) The sad situation today is the fact that more than half of marriages are ending up in divorce, children are growing up without the benefits of being nurtured by both parents, and all the conflicts between men and women at home and the work place. I believe that such problems were created by the introduction of feminist ideas, and women moving away from the traditional values and expectations. I have seen so much of the feminist influences being taught in my public school and liberal college. For example, recently, after attending a required conference on "sexual harassment" at my college, i realized how difficult it must be to be a man nowadays -- i was amazed after knowing about the many restrictions and limitations about what a man can do or say in the work place, to the point that men are loosing their authority and respect. On the other hand, i see that the economic situation has forced wives to work outside the home. But, I wonder if two incomes are really necessary in most cases -- such as those who maintain two houses and "need" to have three or four cars and expensive cloths. At the same time, i also feel that so much of our economy is devoted to expensive wars abroad, and there is so much greed and mismanagement on the part of corporations who are also closing factories in our country and moving away to more profitable places of the world. I was very surprised when i read that 40% of the war in Iraq is being financed with loans from China! In conclusion, i only see these solutions to the grave problems in our country, to return to the traditional family values, re-institute the authority of men at home, and devote more attention to the economic needs of families so that wives would not have to seek jobs outside the home.
